The Kind Of Fathers Our Children Need
June 18, 2006
By: Sellers S. Crain, Jr.
When my wife and I began to raise our children there were few books on parenting except for Dr. Spock, and I didn't read his books. I never trusted a fellow with pointed ears. Dr. Benjamin Spock is certainly not responsible for all the permissiveness and rebellion in our society, but he did add fuel to the fire. Beats me even today how a guy who never married and never raised one child could be considered the nation's premier authority on child rearing. Only in America. We'd have been better off to read Dr. Seuss.
The thing is we had the right book all of the time, and it is the best manual on parenting and on being a father ever written. We just didn't study it and put its principles of fatherhood into practice. Of course, I am speaking of the Bible, God's Holy Word. Our actions did not match our claims of faith in it as the sole authority. The Bible provides us with many examples of fathers- good and bad- we can learn from both. The greatest example of a good father is that of "Our father who art in Heaven" (Matthew 6:9).
You fathers reading this, please hear me out! You will never hear anything more important than this. In their early years, you are like God to your children. You are so important to their sense of self worth. You are your son's only real role model. Your daughters will learn to relate to other men on the basis of their relationship with you. Their success in marriage may well depend on how well that relationship has matured. Your children will carry over into their adult lives character or lack of it that has been largely shaped by your treatment of them. You can give your children wings or you can give them crutches and cripple them for life depending on how you deal with them. Most importantly our children learn to understand the nature of our Heavenly Father by looking at you. What kind of God are you showing them?
From the parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32), which has been called the best known short story in the world, we learn much about the Fatherhood of God. Let's see some lessons we can learn from this story about the kind of fathers our children need. First, children need fathers who love them enough to let them go. When the prodigal asked his father for his share of the inheritance even while his father was still alive, there was no debate. He immediately gave it to him. The son quickly took his money, and he took his leave and went into a far country. The father let him go. It is hard when our children leave home, but it is especially hard when they leave in youthful rebellion.
Second, children need fathers who give them faith. It begins by seeing faith evidenced in their father's life. Faith in God comes as a result. Faith is better caught than taught. You can say, "Don't do as I do, but do as I say" all you want to, but your children will do what you do more than what you say. An essential element is believing in our children. That leads them to having faith in themselves.
Third, children need fathers who will give them love. Children perceive love in a much different way than we may think. It is not through money and the things it will buy, but it is through gifts you give them: The gift of time. You can argue quantity time versus quality, but unless there is quantity time, there is no quality time; the gift of attention. Children aren't dumb. They know when you are really paying attention to them. Doing so will pay rich dividends; the gift of yourself. There is no greater gift you can give. This is what our children really want, Fathers. They want us. Many of the things we think our children need, they can do without. The things they really need can never be replaced. Don't make the tragic mistake of trying to give your children the things you never had, and fail to give them the things you did have.
Brotherly,
Sellers
